Nervous system regulation in vivo :
Yesterday I unexpectedly was both legally threatened & told I would have to leave in 5 days by my landlord due to an issue I had no control over.
I started to feel myself slip down the well worn path of dissociation / tonic immobility, my familiar trauma response, but fortunately I have been in deep monastic study & fasting for over a week.
All we have control over is how we respond = free will is response-ability
Practice what you preach : a case study
To regulate my nervous system I immediately :
a. took a slow deliberate long breath, in through the nose & with a longer exhale encouraging a parasympathetic state
B. look around my space at beautiful, nourishing, meaningful items I have gathered which incite memories of being cared for.
C. Turn my head to my sides & behind me to see that I am not in immediate survival danger.
D. Use my uplifting somatic anchors & tune into sensations of my soft clothes on my body, holding protective necklaces & ancestral Lithuanian amber that have been constant companions for over 2 decades.
This self regulation allowed me space to return to grounded centerness from which I attempted to understand my landlord’s dysregulation from a place of personal peace.
This space created breathing room for compassion due to knowing at my core that I was OK, no matter the outcome, including death {long fasts & other initiation experiences such as psychs + integration support this}.
I then held greater love in my heart for my landlord despite their exploitation of their power over me.
I was again witnessing an old pattern of force over power. I found compassion for the panic of being so disempowered, scanning & trying to patch lack of trust with control over through legal means.
I complied with all of their demands & assured them I would stay in contact to help soothe their concern. I realized I was now parenting & repatterning the inner child of my landlord.
E. coregulation : reaching out to the web of community I have woven, communicating this update & confirming emergency plans if I needed to vacate my Bolinas sea witch shanty in 5 days.
F. Aš į walked to Bocean with my overwhelm, I took in wide views all around me, twirling, singing, skipping, & dancing, offering my tears + prayers to land & water for greater love + compassion.
G. Upon returning to my hut I wished to continue to sing {throat work is regulating} & enter a soothing trance state through polyphonic singing {a traditional Lithuanian folk practice I have been engaging in since before I could speak}.
However the universe was going to have the last laugh {must be for higher interdimensional media ratings} because the friend I was borrowing equipment from to be able to loop my voice became stuck in a wet ditch {Bo is soaking sopping wet waterlogged due to climate chaos}.
In the pushing effort to get them out I was behind the vehicle, & when we got one wheel out the next got stuck & cartoon style rotated freely on the mud splattering me thoroughly.
Laughter is the highest coping mechanism
When I looked at this Rorschach I had nothing left to do but laugh. I am so displaced from the current models of capitalistic survival, let alone success, that I felt it fitting to be visually anointed, baptized in liquid living soil, mud as blood of earth.
Not sure how this whole life thing is going to pan out, but if you appreciate what I bring to the world in my physical existence, I am seeking a home temple next to a body of water where I can do healing work by donation with my pagan church. Otherwise regardless of what happens to my physical body you can find me in the astral, where I have been spending more & more time.
May deeper, wider love prevail with beauty, grace, & speed.